All-Access Pass to STAPLES Center for…Hockey. Damn.

The poster I made at the LA Kings game along with the hat someone gave me.

My regular job is awesome. A dream. How many people get paid to do something they love at the hottest events in LA? Obviously you should have thought more seriously about becoming a glitter tattoo artist.

Tonight my employer gave me the privilege of attending an LA Kings game. I went through the Media Entrance only to be quickly tossed out of the building and sent to the administrative offices to see about getting a pass. Even that was cool. I got to see how the people who work in the front office go to work. It’s like they’re at the airport but with a DIY aspect. I saw this one guy in a suit come in, put his keys in a little tray and walk through the doorway thing that beeps all by himself. He actually failed so he took himself back out and tried again. He had his suitcase on a conveyor belt before someone jumped up to help him. It was ridiculous. Are we that concerned that the Cippers/Lakers/Kings/Sparks staff-members are going to shoot each other?

Eventually I badgered someone into letting me in so I could do my job. That’s when I found out that the mascot had hired me. It went something like this.

“X hired me.”

“Really? He just walked by.”

“How do you know who that is?”

“He’s the mascot, right?”

D’oh.

I walked around the main concourse until I found the right spot and set up. I was in the Fun Zone that was meant for kids but mostly attracted people in their late teens and early twenties. The USC student who was working the Make Your Own Poster station next to me asked if I wanted to make a poster. Uhh…yes.

I got to work drawing a lion and then plugging my sportswriter-self shamelessly all over it. I would later vacillate between displaying the poster prominently at my glitter tattoo station and hiding it in shame. While I drew we overheard a lady approach two guys walking by and ask if they wanted to do sumo hockey during halftime. I had two problems with that. #1 Hockey has half-time? and #2 Why not me!?

I tatted up everyone I could get my hands on with Kings crowns and logos but had to stop when the game started. My new friend the USC student informed me that my Staff Pass could get me wherever I wanted to go in the building. It wasn’t sumo hockey but it was a decent consolation prize.

I went to the end of the rink and watched the action from about 20 rows up. Even the puck sailing into the stands couldn’t stop me from thinking the game was painfully boring.

I asked my new friend where the best place to catch the action is. He said center ice about 5 rows up. Before I set off the artist making the poster of Bailey holding a shark (they were playing San Jose) asked us what the sign should say. He told her I was a writer. They both looked at me expectantly.

I thought hard and then it hit me. “Cold sushi tonight!”

It was a hit.

I went to center ice, sat about 20 rows up behind the Kings’ bench and really tried to enjoy the game. They were up 2-0 when I realized what the problem was. I had no idea what offense they were running and even less of an idea when it came to how the defense worked. I was like a child who wanders into the middle of a conversation and wants to know what’s going on. Completely out of my element.

That’s when I decided to stop freezing and pack it in. I got my glitter tattoo materials and headed out of the building. It wasn’t that simple, though.

“Hey!” a guy called to me as I made my way past the Figueroa entrance. “You want a Kings hat? I have an extra one.” He held it out.

“Yeah, I want it.”

“Okay.” He handed it to me.

I was delighted. Then he introduced himself, offered some pleasantries and walked away. I’m wearing it as I write this article and I gotta say, even though hockey may not be my thing, I LOVE LA!

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UPDATE: Kings won the game 6-4. I watched the rest of the game from my couch and realized that if I’m really going to give liking hockey a solid effort that next time I’ll have to watch The Mighty Ducks beforehand.